Bastard

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

A blind customer...........

One day; a blind went to a restaurant and grab a seat.

When the owner of the restaurant brought a menu for him; customer said: actually i'm blind. Could you please bring some dirty forks? I can smell them and choose the food.

The owner collect the dirty forks from the tables and bring it to his table as menu.

The customer smelled all the forks and said: hmmmm...this one smells really good... i'd also have "FISH AND CHIPS".

The following day; the guy came back again and the owner brought some forks from the sink. The customer smelled and said: can i have some "MACARONI" please?

The other day, the customer came back again. And asked for some dirty forks. The owner wanted to test him. He went to the kitchen and and asked Mary, his wife (Who was also a chef), to rub a fork in her pussy.

He get back to the customer and gave him the fork.

After smelling the fork; the blind customer said: I really didn't know that Mary works here.

Should have told you earlier...........

A guy took his girlfriend far away from city one evening; stopped his car and they were about to make love.

At the meanwhile; the girl said: I should have told you before that i'm a call girl and i charge $100 for an hour.

The guy paid $100 and had sex for an hour.

After a while; the girl said: It's getting dark. We have to go back to city now.......

Then the guy said: I should have told you before that i'm a taxi driver and it'll cost you $150 go get back to the city.

Argument with building manager

A husband came home with angry face.

Wife: What's wrong honey?

Husband: I had a argument with our building manager.

Wife: About what?

Husband: He said that he had slept with every woman in our building except one.

Wife: I bet it's the doctor's wife from unit 10.

Doggy Style

A pregnant woman went to his doctor for a regular check-up.

After a video x-ray; the doctor told her that she have 4 babies in her belly.

She returned home with very angry face.

When she gets home; her husband asked: What's wrong honey? Is everything ok?

Wife being so rude to him: I told you let's not do it doggy style........

Wish it was........

Three guys were walking together. Suddenly they saw a pig and it's ass was popping out from the bush.

First Guy: Wish it was Demi Moore's ass.

Second Guy: Wish it was Pamela Anderson's ass.

Third Guy: Wish it was night....................

Group Sex

A guy to his friend

Guy1: Hey! I've organized a group sex at my home tonight. Will you join me?

Guy2: Oh that's great! How many people are coming?

Guy1: If you bring your wife; we'll be 3.

Appointment

A couple were in bed and husband was feeling horny.

Husband: Let's make a love honey!

Wife: Sorry; i can't have sex now. I have an appointment with a gynecologist tomorrow morning.

Husband speaks after a while: Listen! You don't have any appointment with a dentist tomorrow; do you?

Contractor's Son

A 10-year old boy to his contracteor father...

Son: Dad! I want a sister..

Dad: No worries son; just wait for 9 months and i'll get it done for you.

Son: I can't wait that long...... why don't you employ 8 more people and get it done in one month?

Dying alone?

A 75 years old man to his own penis: We were born together; we grown up together and we had fun together........but why the hell are you dying before me???